Till Death Do Us Part

"This is sooo wrong..." Xander shook his head at the camera trained on him, "One, he's old enough to be her great-great-great-grand hellfiend, and I stand by my necrophilia stance. Plus, he knocked up a perfectly sweet..."

"Xander..." Oz lowered the camera, "You do know that Spike's going to be seeing this eventually?"

Oz shook his head, lifting the camera again, "Can't forget the whole statuatory..."

"Sorry!" Xander rolled his eyes, "Sorry for trying to have a opinion. Fine, fine...way to go Spike...and if you ever hurt her, I got a bottle of holy water with little Willy's name on it. Capiche?"

Oz shot him a glare, and Willow shook her head, "Forget it, honey. That's the best you're going to get out of him, believe me."

"Does he even show up on camera?" Willow asked curiously, and Oz shrugged, "Spike did when I walked in on him and Erin. I didn't get all that he said. Most of it was Brit slang, but I'm guessing it wasn't good."

Willow glanced at her watch, "Where's Erin? I'm supposed to be getting her to Buffy's now."

"Yeah," Xander scrunched up his nose, "We have to get the womanfolk out of the house so we can parrtayy!"

Erin shook her head as she came down, catching Xander's eager response. "It's really nice of you guys to throw him a party," She smiled at Oz and Xander, "I know you don't really like him..."

"He's okay," Oz assured her, and Xander rolled his eyes, "Erin, from what I heard from Angel, there's a stripper. We could be toasting Stalin, and I'd still be here in all my capitalistic glory."

Erin threw a confused look at Willow, who only shook her head, "I'll explain on the way, I promise...and Xander! Stalin joke! You're moving up from the knock-knocks..."

"But I still got plenty of 'yo mamas.'" He assured her, and Willow shuddered, "Right...girls, leaving now...come on," She pratically shoved Erin towards the door, eager to be gone before aforementioned stripper showed up. There was just some things she really didn't need to see.

"Man, I really got stiffed on this," Xander complained as soon as Willow and Erin were safely gone. "You got the wedding vid, Giles gets to do the giving away stuff, Deadboy's best man...and what am I? An usher."

"Oz, there's going to be like...ten people there. And they're all in the ceremony!"

"Heard she sent him a doll with little spikes sticking out of it. I guess it's for the baby."

"Giles and that Irish guy that came with Angel are having a drinking contest! Without us!"

"Well, I am, Peaches," Spike growled, lifting up his cot in the basement, "Where in the bloody hell did I leave it...?"

Spike glared at Angel, "Hey, I'm a man. I'll do the honorable thing by her...besides, the Watcher won't let me touch her unless we do it good and proper," Spike rolled his eyes "Course, that doesn't apply to him and the Slayer's mum...but whatever."

"Well, they haven't made it all official like," Spike turned to his stack of boxes, starting to look a little panicked, "But he's at her house or at the gallery more then he's here..." He looked thoughtful for a moment, "Course, that could always be because of my woman. She's can get nasty mood swings, let me tell you. I still have bruises from her last one."

Angel sighed, sitting down on the edge of the cot as Spike dug in the pockets of a dirty pair of jeans, swearing when he came up empty, "What are you looking for?"

"Erin's present," Spike growled shortly, "I left it around here somewhere...could you please get off your arse and look?"

"For what?" Angel shook his head at his strange Childe, and Spike sighed in exasperation, "It's a key...key-shaped...all right?"

"A key-shaped key...got it," Angel muttered, picking it off the old table next to a battered lamp, "This it?"

"One question," Angel paused him before he could go up the stairs, "Why'd you pick me?"

"For what? Best man?" Spike grinned widely, "Nix, mate...you throw the best bach parties. Remember the one you threw for that Juliek demon the one time?"

"Last bachelor party I was at, they tried to take my brain," Doyle shook his head, "It was one of my best...up to that point, that is."

"Good Lord," Giles grinned, "Last party I was at, zombies started eating the guests."

"Yeah? Well, last one I was at, my ex-girlfriend showed up, killed the guests, nearly decapataited my woman, and I nearly got arrested for boffing a minor in my car."

Giles glared at Spike, while the others agreed that beat them all out for the worst party ever.

The men looked around the table at each other, "So...what do you think the girls are doing?" Xander asked, and Doyle snorted, "Probably watching Cordy's Mel Gibson's butt collection..."

"Oh my god...you have got to be kidding me!" Erin lifted out the red teddy from Cordelia, whom she had never before met, her eyes widening, "I can't wear this!"

"You won't be for long," Buffy teased, then glanced at her mother, blushing, "I mean...uh..."

Joyce laughed, shaking her head, "Ten to one, it'll be off in about two seconds."

"Oh Lord...they still have those?" Erin shook her head, "They're evil! Have you ever tried to slay in them?"

"Oh, you don't slay in these. Since women don't wear them anymore, guys think they're all sexy and stuff," Buffy said, glancing at her mother again, "Not that I would know..."

"Stop being such a prude, Buffy," Cordelia chastised her, "This is a bachelorette party. You drink a lot, think about other guys besides the groom, watch videos, trash the groom, bemoan wife hood...and food."

"No! Eat it!" Cordelia popped one of Joyce's special chocolate chip cookies in her mouth for emphasis, and Willow giggled, "Did I see Mel Gibson in your bag, Cordy?"

"Oh, no, so much better," Cordelia dragged it over towards her, grinning as she read off a title, "XXX Men..."

Erin's eyes widened as the other girls laughed at her flaming red face. "Um...Buffy did tell you I'm from the eighteen-hundreds, right? I'm more like...Pride and Prejudice..."

"She tried to eat Giles," Oz pointed out as Spike grumbled beneath his breath, vacuuming up his entertainment.

Everyone but Joyce put her penny in the circle, and Buffy's eyes widened, "MOTHER!"

"No fair...I've only done it once..." Erin sighed, "How about if you ever done it in a dusty old mansion..."

All but three pennies were thrown in, and Buffy's eyes shot towards Cordelia, who swore beneath her breath, belatedly tossing in her penny.

"Um..." Cordelia blushed, "I'm sorry, Buffy...he wanted to be the one to tell you..."

"Ut-oh..." Willow and Erin flinched as Joyce looked confused, "But I thought his soul..."

"Apparently only with Buffy...or Willow's spell was different...I'm really, really sorry!"

"How long?" Buffy sighed, shaking her head, and Cordelia's blush deepened, "A month after he came here to see Spike and Erin...I'm really sorry..."

Buffy rolled her eyes, "Jeez...you think someone could have told me so I could stop feeling guilty about him never being able to fall in love again!"

Cordelia gaped at her as Buffy sat down again, "Take your penny, you cheater. You're not getting off that easy."

The boys were playing a similiar version, and Oz and Xander were the ones losing pennies at a fast rate. "We're playing with two immortals, an Irish demon and a Watcher...and they're beating us out!" Xander complained, "And I don't really believe the police car bit either!"

Spike and Giles exchanged a grin, "Believe me, boy...it's true," Spike assured him, and Xander looked at Giles with something akin to admiration. "Wow."

"Faith, Spike...so don't get your panties in a wad. I never touched Erin...except for a few cheap cops..."

"Spike...it's bad luck to kill the usher," Angel warned him when Spike growled again.

"I can't believe Angel is beating everyone," Oz said, pointing at Angel's intact pile. "I thought for sure the Eiffel Tower one would get him."

"Wait...is this exclusive only to women?" Spike asked, smirking at his Sire, and Angel playfully ruffled his hair, "Don't even go there, m'boy."

"UGH! More then I wanted to know!" Xander shouted, then looked around, "Wait, do that again...I want Erin to hear that one!"

"Did you ever read the books we researched?" Giles asked, "Or did you just skip on through to the naked woodcarvings?"

"Um...plead the fifth," Xander muttered sheepishly, sitting down again, "But still...EW!"

"Come on, Buffy...you picked dare!" Joyce said as they pulled up in front of Giles' house.

"You're so going to get it, mother," Buffy grumbled, pulling her raincoat around her, "I can't believe you're making your little girl do this!"

"I can't believe she's making you do this," Willow muttered, as Buffy climbed out, "Oh...I don't think I can look..."

"HEY!" Buffy threw open her raincoat, flashing the werewolf, her entire face red as she whirled and bolted for the car again. There was a shriek of laughter and tires as they disappeared again.

"Who is it?" Giles called from the kitchen as Oz turned, "Apparently the girls got into the liquor cabinent," he said simply, sitting back down at the poker table they set up.

"Okay, okay...I got one...what's the worst thing you've ever had to do?" Buffy asked, and Erin grimaced, "That's easy. I had to kiss a Jakos demon to get some information out of him. They're slimy too! Will was livid when he found out!"

"Spike was jealous of a slimy demon?" Willow laughed, and Buffy shook her head, "He's jealous of Xander, Wills!"

"I had to go out on a date with Doyle for undercover work," Cordelia shuddered, "Halfies copping feels are so not my thing."

"Hey! She resembles that remark!" Willow pointed at Erin, who rolled her eyes, "What about you, Wills?"

"Definitly dress-up like a skanky vampire me," Willow replied, "That was waaayyy too weird."

"I thought it was a good look for you," Buffy teased, "Me, on the other hand...I'd have to say killing Angel..."

The girls fell silent for several minutes, and Buffy looked around, "Or whenI had to save Cordelia's life during Slayer-fest '99..."

"Buffy Summers, the day you're voted Home Coming Queen will be the day I bring my teasing comb out of retirement!"

"Very funny, Peaches," Spike scowled as he pulled out a box of condoms from the bag Angel had given him.

"He's the only virile vampire on the planet," Giles pointed out, and Spike tossed the box at him with a lewd grin, "You'll get more use out of them then me, Watcher," He waggled his black eyebrows at him, "I just bet the Slayer's mum likes black ones too."

Giles actually flushed, and Xander burst out laughing, "I knew it! He has the hots for Mrs. Summers! I'm going to tell Buufffyyy!"

"I'll...I'll..." Xander teased, "You'll what? Watch me do it? You're a Watcher...that's your job..."

Giles glared at him as Spike moved on to Doyle's gifts. "You know...I just don't think it's my size," Spike said with a sigh as he held up the very racy lingerie, "And I don't even know you! I don't like the idea of you buying me woman underwear."

"She doesn't complain," Doyle winked lewdly, "Actually, she was quite grateful for the last pair I bought her."

Spike growled at him, but the demon only laughed, "I can't wait to see what he got you," He pointed at Xander, "Don't think the lad likes you."

"It's mutual," Spike grinned as Xander handed him a small box, "Ten to one, it's a stake or..." he opened it, then let out a yelp, throwing it back at Xander, "Don't even kid around like that!"

"What is it?" Angel asked curiously, wondering at Spike's reaction, and Xander lifted out an Orb of Thessulah, "Thought he could keep it as a paperweight."

"It's a conspiracy," Spike muttered, then his eyes widened, "Where's the witch? She isn't sitting out there getting all magickey?"

The morning dawned bright and early. Nothing stirred in Sunnydale. Then only one sound broke the stillness.

"Shit, shit, shit..." Spike tugged at his tie, his eyes wide. He was late already, and he once again couldn't find Erin's gift. He had been pretty sure he had set it down next to the cot, but it was once again missing.

Angel tried to sooth the panicking vampire, only earning growls and snarls for his trouble as they turned the entire house upside down, looking for the small key.

"Chains around thier necks," Angel sighed as he sighted the silver chain shimmering just under his Childe's collar, lifting out the key.

"When we were completely smashed," Doyle rubbed his temples, his head pounding with a hangover headache.

"What is this for, anyway?" Angel asked as Spike slipped it into his pocket, and Spike raised an eyebrow, "Surprise for my woman, mate. That's all you need to know."

"About half-an hour ago," Spike swore, glancing at his watch, "Rupes! We have to go! NOW!"

Giles rushed down the stairs, bow-tie askew, glasses atop his head, "We're going! We're going!" He shouted, nearly tripping on his way down, "Christ on a pony! Where in the hell are my glasses?"

"Oh...not this again!" Doyle shook his head, grabbing Spike's bag, "Let's just go already. The faster we get there, the faster they're hitched and then comes the drinking!"

"Pull harder..." Erin grunted, "I fit in it last month!"

"You weren't gorging yourself on Ben and Jerry's last month," Buffy gasped out, trying to pull the zipper up on Erin's wedding dress. "Christ...do you really need the Chunky-Monkey?"

She pulled the zipper up as far as she could, but was unable to pull it past her chest, where her breasts had grown in size, and Erin groaned, "I'm fat!"

"No, you just have big boobs," Cordelia assured her, "You look great anyhow. Just leave your hair down, and it'll cover up the zipper."

Erin nodded, unpinning her thick tresses and let it fall down her back, "Right...okay...what else...?"

"Make-up, hair, nails..." Cordelia checked them off on her fingers, "Thank God we made that cucumber paste last night. Girl, don't you know how to exfoliate?"

"Huh?" Erin stared at Cordelia like she had gone insane, "Let's do the hair first, that should be easiest," Cordelia ordered, and Erin groaned, "We had all that planned out, but we were intending on me wearing it up!"

"Erin. You may be marrying a master, but I'm the master when it comes to hair. Don't worry."

"Women...always bloody late..." Spike complained as Angel tried to fix his bow-tie, "Stop moving!" He ordered sharply, and Spike pulled away, "It's fine, Peaches!"

He looked worried, "You don't think she got cold feet, do you? Cause...you know...I was thinking...maybe this isn't a good idea..."

"Spike, you ever want to see her naked again, you're getting married," Xander said helpfully, gesturing at Giles, "You leave her at the altar, and you can beat G-Man will have your balls for marbles."

Good point, Spike winced, knowing the Watcher was capable of so much more, "Right..."

Giles looked around the living room, suitably impressed. Despite his misgivings, he saw Spike had chosen a tasteful burgandy and cream color scheme for the house. He had been sure that he would walk into a place draped with black crepe and things of the like. "I must admit, it's nice."

"Better be bloody nice...for the amount of money I spent on it," Spike grumbled, "Plus furnishings, it nearly bankrupted me."

"Spike, no one believes that for a minute. You've got more money then me, and I've been around longer," Angel pointed out, and Spike shrugged, "You never had a mind for business, Peaches. Besides, unlike some wankers I know, I pulled out of the stock market just in time, before prices fell."

"Recession?" Oz asked.

"Depression," Spike glanced at his watch for the sixth time in five minutes, nearly groaning, "Where are they?"

"According to Cordy, there was an emergency with the dress," Doyle closed his cell phone, "They'll be here soon. And the priest is on his way..."

"Wait! Priest? No one said anything about a bloody priest!"

"How in the hell did you think it was going to happen?" Angel asked, "You don't just wave your arms and say, 'I'm married now!''

"Humans and their bloody complicated procedures. Why can't they just bite people and be done with it?"

"Then what would vampires do?"

Spike glared at Oz, "You're a lot of help, mate...thanks."

Oz shrugged, "I'm just the camera man."

Joyce pulled up on the street, frowning as she looked at the address Spike had given her, "I guess this is the place," she said in some confusion, looking up at the small white and black house. "Why here?"

"Well, the only other option was a church, really," Erin pointed out, "And considering holy things equal pain for the both of us, it wasn't such a hot idea."

"Ah," Joyce nodded as they all climbed out, "You girls wait here, I'll make sure the boys are ready."

"Boys? Half of them are older then her," Buffy pointed out.

Erin shook her head, glancing around the yard of the house, smiling slightly.

Joyce walked in on a scene of chaos and she groaned. Giles was arguing with priest about the wording of the ceremony, insisting the word 'obey' be left out, as well as 'till death do us part.'

Oz was filming Angel and Spike, the brunette vampire trying to calm his increasingly agitated Childe, while Doyle and Xander exchanged 'yo mama' jokes.

Men...she snorted as she strode in, "Are you two done?" She asked Doyle and Xander, and they stopped their contest of wills, and she shook her head as she went to the priest and Giles, "Is there a problem here?"

"I have no problem with leaving out 'obey,' that's actually a frequent request, but till death do us part...?"

"Just leave it out," She ordered firmly, "It's not pertinent with this couple. Just substitute it with something else."

The priest finally agreed as Joyce grabbed Spike's arm, pulling him back towards her when he tried to make a run for the exit, "Willam Anthony Giles, you stop right there!"

"Uh...I forgot my...cumber-something," he made excuse, "I'll just go back to the Watcher's and get it..."

"You have your cumberbond on," Joyce rolled her eyes and Spike looked panicked, "I mean...something part of my tux that I simply must have!"

"If you can't name it, it's not that important," She insisted, glancing at Angel, "I got him, you go help out Giles."

"But...mum...ow!" She dragged him towards the back by the ear much to his mortification and she pulled him out the patio doors.

She froze, looking around and raising an eyebrow. Spike had been in charge of most of the arrangements, and he had done a good job.

The pool area was enclosed with glass that was tinted, allowing the vampire to come out it during the day, and inside the pool, floated almost a hundred candles, many more lining the patio.

At the end was a rose arbor set up, with yellow roses twisted in the white wood, a few strings of ivy braided through it. Rose petals lined the walkway from the door to the arbor and there were several seats set up for the guests. "Nice job, Spike," she told him, still keeping a firm grip on his ear.

Spike twisted away from her, grimacing as he rubbed the sore appendange, "Jeez, mum...why don't you just yank my ear off?"

She shook her head, crossing her arms over her chest, "Now what is your problem, Spike? You were the one who proposed and you were the one who insisted we do this as fast as possible. Now you're trying to bolt?"

"Ah...I'm a vampire, Joyce...I don't get married..."

She raised an eyebrow, "And when has being a vampire stopped you from doing anything you wanted to do?"

"Well...uh..." He scowled, "You're too smart for your own good, mum."

"So, why are you getting cold feet?"

Spike shrugged, "Don't know. Just do."

Joyce rolled her eyes, "That's not an answer," She replied, chastising him, "There's a beautiful woman out there who nearly killed herself too look nice for you...and subjected herself to Cordelia for four hours with a curling iron and two hundred tons of make-up..."

"Make-up?" Spike looked horrifed, "What did the chit do to her? My woman doesn't wear make-up!"

"Yeah, well, the modesty argument didn't work on Cordy when she has a teasing comb in her hand," Joyce shook her head, "Plus, the woman is carrying your child..."

"Yes, let's remind me of that," Spike muttered, running a hand through his hair, "I love her, Joyce, I really do...but you know...well..." He grasped for a reason to put it off, and Joyce sighed, turning to look in through the glass doors, "She does too, Spike."

Spike turned to follow her gaze, freezing like a deer in headlights.

Erin was in the living room, laughing at something the Irish demon said. The bodice of her dress was molded tightly to her curves, but he could still see the slight swelling of her belly beneath the fabric, and knew the top was a little too tight by the way the half globes of her breasts peeked over the top, and the skirt fell straight down, the train trailing behind.

Her hair was down, the thick curls cascading down her back and over her shoulders, a strand of yellow roses braided into her hair, with a braided veil hanging behind her.

She blushed, averting her head when Oz tried to film her and Angel grabbed her around the waist, holding her still as Buffy snapped off a picture much to the redhead's dismay.

Joyce glanced at Spike out of the corner of her eye, smiling at his almost dazed look. "Bloody priceless..." he muttered after several minutes, "I'm the only vampire in history about to marry a Slayer."

Joyce smiled brightly, "I'll go tell the others that the emergency and bloodbath was averted."

"Bloodbath?" Spike repeated, and Joyce shrugged, "There's no telling what a jilted, pregnant Slayer will do."

Somehow, to Spike, that was a more persuasive argument then Xander telling him that he'd never see Erin naked again. He kinda liked having all his bits and pieces intact.

"All right, payup!" Joyce held out her palm, "He's not running."

The other girls grumbled as they forked over their money, and Giles raised an eyebrow at Joyce, "What is that?"

"I bet them that he wouldn't run. Odds were that he'd make a bolt for it, or have to have Angel pry his fingers from the doorframe."

"You bet against your own fiance?" Doyle asked Erin, who grinned sheepishly, "Well...I was close. I added the doorframe bit."

"It's not too late," Buffy pointed out, "He could still scream and run for the exits during the ceremony."

"I HEARD THAT!"

"Oops," Erin glanced over her shoulder, smiling at her husband-to-be, who was glaring at her, hands on his hips. "Hello darling..."

"Get your sweet arse out here so I can marry it!" He ordered, and Erin sighed, "Always the romantic, my love."

Despite the circulating bets, Spike, in fact did not make a run for it. Although, Buffy and Joyce did have to hold Xander down when the priest got to the part about whether anyone objected to them being married.

"Do you, William "Spike" Giles take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer till..."

Spike shot the priest a dirty look, "For as long as you both shall...live or unlive, whichever the case?"

Spike chuckled, turning back to Erin, "I do," he replied, taking the ring from Angel and slipping the gold band over her finger.

"And do you, Erimentha Aloria Gillian take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband? To have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, for as long as you both shall live or unlife, whichever the case?"

"I do."

Spike grinned and pulled her against him, crushing his lips down on hers. "Um...Mr. Giles? We haven't gotten to that part yet..."

"Uh? Oh, sorry," Spike pulled away from a breathless Erin, who stared at him in surprise, and he grinned sheepishly, "Sorry, pet."

The priest shook his head, "I pronaunce you husband and wife. Now you may kiss the bride."

Spike enveloped the redhead in his arms, and the wedding guests clapped softly as they kissed, which tapered off when Spike and Erin still didn't seperate.

"Someone should tell him to stop when he hits stomach juices," Xander grimaced jealously, and Giles cleared his throat, "Spike? Erin?"

The currently occupied couple ignored him, and he sighed, glancing at his watch, "Dear Lord, they really don't need to breath...we could be here all night!"

Spike finally released Erin, who stumbled a bit and he caught her before she could fall, "Um...wow..."

Spike grinned, then swept her up into his arms, looking at the others, "All right, Me and the missus thank you for coming. Now get out!"

"What!?"

"You don't have to go home, but I don't think you really want to stay here!" Spike announced, sweeping past the others to get his woman in the house and up the stairs as fast as inhumanly possible.

The priest shook his head, "Sinful," He muttered beneath his breath as he followed the others out, and Buffy exchanged a grin with Willow and Oz, "He really has no idea."

"I thought we were going to be drinking!" Doyle muttered, and Giles sighed, "Reception without the bride and groom at my house, I suppose."

Joyce smiled as she took his arm, "It was a nice ceremony while it lasted."

"Yes...well...I'm just glad they made it through it," He muttered, closing the door on the sound of bedsprings creaking rather loudly, "I'm surprised he kept his pants on that long."

"Spike! Stop jumping on the bed! What are they going to think?!"

Spike grinned, flopping down on the mattress and looking towards his new wife, "Just giving them fair warning to move on out."

He lounged casually on the four poster, smiling as she looked around the room, still devoid of possessions, but he still furnished it. It was decorated in tasteful dark blues and tans, except for the drapes, which were a heavy black cloth to protect him from the sunlight. "Who lives here?" She finally asked, "And will they really appreciate us using their bed?"

"Don't know, pet," He grinned, pulling out the key on a chain and tossing it towards her, "Do you mind?"

She stared at him in confusion, and he raised an eyebrow. "You mean...this is..."

"All ours, pet."

Her eyes widened slightly, and he laughed when he suddenly had an enthustitic redhead leaping on him, "That is so sweet!"

Spike pulled her fully on top of him till she was straddling his waist, and he rested his hands on her hips, staring up at her, "Glad you like it, ducks," He told her truthfully, smiling.

"Don't you mean, Mrs. The Bloody?"

"Sounds ghastly, pet."

Erin smiled down at him as he stroked her bare arms, "I love you," She whispered, bending to barely brush her lips against his, and he growled softly, flipping her over, "Love you too, pet...but what say we get you out of that dress?"

"Please, for the love of God...I haven't breathed in the last six hours! Whoever designed this thing hates pregnant women!"

Part 11: And The Heavens Wept

Back to Series

Fanfiction Home

Home

Let me know what you think!

Subscribe to guiltypleasuresrwp

Powered by groups.yahoo.com