"YOU DID WHAT?!"

        "Erin!  Don't throw that!"  Giles yelped as Erin tossed the flowers he had just bought her at him and she staggered to her feet, nearly falling in the process.

        "Who do you think you are?"  She asked angrily, "I'm not a child, Giles!  Hell!  I'm not even human!  You cannot dictate my life!"       

        "As long as you're under my roof, I will!"  He snapped at her, immediately regretting it as she picked up another loose object.  

        He scrambled out into the hallway, narrowly avoiding slamming into a nurse.  

        She looked at him in surprise, and he grinned sheepishly, "She's a bit...tempremental."

        "Rupert Giles!  You get your Bristish arse in here so I can kick it back to England!"

        "Problems, Watcher?"

        Giles straightened as the nurse hurried off, glaring at Spike, "What are you doing here?"

        "Seeing my woman," he said boldly, striding past him, making sure his shoulder knocked into Giles 'accidently,' throwing him off balance.

        Erin almost immediately flew into his arms, and Spike laughed, swinging her upwards so he could catch her beneath the knees, "You should be in bed, pet.  You're hurt."

        She grimaced as he sniffed the bandage around her throat, "Everything healing nicely?"

        "Ribs, neck, pride...yep...all healing."

        "Pride?  No shame in losing a fight, luv," he said, carrying her back to the hospital bed.  "Especially with Drusilla.  She's a hard one to beat, believe me, I know."  

        Erin sighed as he tucked her back in, "I didn't even get one punch in.  She jumped right into mind-games.  My pride is most definitly damaged," she replied, shaking her head as he brushed his lips against her cheek.

        Giles cleared his throat from the doorway, but Spike ignored him, and Erin frowned as Spike tried to kiss her.  She turned her face away, glancing towards Giles, "Yes?"

        "Say good-bye, Erin," Giles ordered firmly as Spike straightened with a roll of his eyes, "You say good-bye, Watcher...obviously, she wants me here."

        "You have no say in the matter, Spike."

        "I think I do," He growled, turning to face him, his eyes narrowing, "She's my woman."

        "She's my charge.  She's only a seventeen-year-old girl, Spike," he smiled evilly, "And I wonder what your driver's license says your age is, m'boy.  Obviously, you're much too old for a young girl."

        Spike growled, and Erin shook her head, "You're both acting so bleeding possessive over some girl who's about to kick both your arses," she muttered, starting to stand up again, "Lay down, luv, you're still weak."

        "Don't you get started on me," she groused, crossing her arms over her chest, "What the hell is going on with you two?"

        "Isn't it obvious, pet?  He's jealous that your world doesn't center around him."  Spike said bitingly, "His Slayer's off to college, getting her friends, not showing up for training as much...so he wants you alone and unhappy so you cling to him!  Well, piss-off, Watcher.  My girl doesn't play that."

        "You arrogant son of a bitch..." Giles' eyes narrowed.

        "Can't stand the truth, can you, Rupes?  Fine, live in your narrow little world, in your piss-poor lonely existance, and leave her out of it!"  

        "Yes!  Leave me out of this!"  Erin snapped, getting out of bed, glaring at the both of them, "Why don't you just throw down the gloves and beat each other to bloody pulps over who gets exclusives rights to own me?!"

        "Fine with me!"  Giles shouted at Spike, who snarled, "Bring it on, old man!"  

        A low growl answered them, and both men broke off to glance at Erin, who was shooting them both deadly glares.  "Sorry, guys...wrong answer!"  

        Spike nearly groaned at his own stupidity, "Erin...pet...it isn't like that..."

        "Get. Out." She ground her teeth together, and Giles paled, "Erin, I didn't mean it..."

        "Giles, Spike?"  She gave them a small smile, and both men visibly relaxed, "Either one of you comes near me before you two work out this little problems of yours and realize that I am not a POSSESSION!"  

        Giles and Spike winced as one, "And I'll beat you both to death.  Got it?"

        "Erin, baby, you don't mean that..."

        "Consider us completely over, darling...same goes for you, Giles.  I'll pack my things and be out by the end of the day..."

        "Erin, you're injured...you fell off a bloody balcony just last night!"  Spike protested and Erin shot him down with another glare.  "Now get out!"  

        Spike shook his head as Giles slowly backed out, and Erin reached for another vase of flowers.  

        Giles was safely out the door when she flung it, "OW!  BLOODY HELL, WOMAN!  ARE YOU COMPLETELY INSANE!?"

        "Ow...ow..." Erin grumbled beneath her breath, glaring at Giles when he tried to help her with her small box of stuff.  

        To his dismay, she was making good on her threat and she was taking it out to Oz's van, not even telling him where she was staying.  He had a good hunch that it was at Joyce's, however, considering she didn't have any money and no other friends in Sunnydale.

        "Is that all?"  He asked, staring at the box as she shoved it in Oz's van, then leaned against the door, breathing heavily, "Yes.  That's all..."

        He felt a small pang of regret.  He hadn't noticed how little she owned.  She didn't have much of anything, only stuff small enough to fit in one box.  Clothes included.  Bloody hell...

        "Erin, will you please listen to reason?"  

        "I'm not hearing any, Giles.  You talk to Spike.  You work things out with him, and I may consider coming back.  And not a minute sooner, understand?"

        "Well, it's been nice knowing you," Giles grumbled beneath his breath.  There was no way in hell he'd be talking to Spike without the business end of a stake buried in his chest first.  

        Erin sighed, glancing into the van at Oz, "Let's go."

        Joyce shook her head, "Sorry about the mess, but Buffy was here the other day, and you know how she is," Joyce gestured at the disaster area that was Buffy's room where she wasn't in her dorm.

        Erin smiled, shaking her head, "It's fine, Miss Summers...thank you..."

        "How long do you think it'll take the boys to come around?"  Joyce asked, watching as Erin removed her things from her box.  

        "Giles and Spike?  They're the most stubborn people I have ever met, and mind you, this is coming from me.  I can outlast the both of them, however, I'd like this to be finished before I die of old age...or sooner."

        Joyce shook her head, "Rupert is a tough nut to crack.  Believe me, I've tried..."

        Erin sighed, nodding, "What is with those two?  They simply cannot get along!"

        "He's a vampire and Rupert's a Watcher...like oil and water..."

        Erin rolled her eyes, not pointing out the obvious fact that she was a Slayer and he was a vampire.  Like flame and water.

        "Well, if they don't work something out, I'll kill them myself and save them each the trouble."

        Giles stared forlornly at his last bottle of scotch, now empty.  The house was quiet.  Too quiet.  Usually, by this time of night, Erin would be tromping in from patrol, complaining about Buffy making her go to the Bronze or to another Frat party, then head upstairs for to shower and come down again to complain about him using up all the hot water.

        Bloody hell...

        He scowled at his empty bottle, recalling Spike's harsh words.  "I do too have a life," he muttered, standing up, "I don't need some teenager filling my bloody time...I'm handsome, I'm polite...and I'm not that old!"  

        He nodded his head firmly, even if he staggered a bit drunkenly as he found his coat.  He had a life and he would prove it.

        Bartenders are a special breed of people.  They listen, they nod, pour you drinks till you're so drunk you tip them ten bucks instead of a couple ones, and you're happy.

        Larry was no different.  For ten years he had worked in the Fish Bowl, a bar-slash-dive in the dirtist section of Sunnydale.  It was a step up from Willy's Alibi Room, but not by much.

        He heard a lot of crazy stuff, and seen a lot of crazy people, so he was used to things of the strange.  But even he had to admit the man ordering yet another vodka was weird, even for a vampire.  The things he was rattling on about made no real sense, and he wondered if vamps could go insane.

        "You know, there onsch wasch a time when peoples feared me?"  Spike slurred as Larry poured him his drink, "Jusch my name would send them scurrying...Theresh Spiksch, they would say, then poof!"  He made an overly dramatic gesture with his hands, sending most of his drink spilling out on the bar, "Alls gone!  Even Sclayer's feared me!"  

        "Uh-uh," Larry poured him another drink with a sigh, and Spike sighed along with him, "My Schlayer...shesch a tough one...ya know?"

        "Uh-uh," Larry nodded again,  moving down the bar as another customer sat down, and Spike continued to talk to himself, "Pretty one, she isch...nisch boobs too!"

        His new customer was a man of forty, and right away ordered a scotch, no rocks, no soda, just scotch, straight up.

        Spike looked towards him at his voice and scowled, staggering to his feet, "Watscher!"

        Giles looked over at Spike with distaste as he took his drink and the blond seated himself quite comfortably beside him.  

        "Go away, Spike," He slurred slightly.  He was drunk, but not quite as much as Spike.  Spike had a headstart on the day, after all.

        Spike eyed Giles' drink, "Your schlayer's going to be pisched if I tells her you were drinking!"  

        "Yeah?  Well, my Slayer isn't here, and neither is my Erin."

        Spike pulled himself up into a more dignified stance, "Oh yeahs?  She wasch my Schlayer firsch!"

        "You killed her too.  Nice job.  Did the Council give you a medal for that?"

        Spike growled, trying to throw a punch at him, but Giles just moved to the side, and the inebriated vampire pitched forward onto the dirty ground.  "Ow...oh!  A peanut..."

        "Get off the floor, you daft idiot...people are staring..."

        Spike shook his head, staring at the peanut with one eye closed, "It kinda looksch like my Schlayer..."

        Giles rolled his eyes, ordering another drink, "Oh...the hell with it...just give me the bloody bottle."

        About an hour later, Giles was about one shot glass away from contemplating the peanut that looked like Erin with Spike as the two men sat at a table, glaring at each other, a bottle of tequila between them.

        "Not a chancsh, Watcsher...a bloody git like you ain't drinking me unders the table!"

        "Schut up and pour!"  Giles ordered firmly, which was hard to do, considering a slice of lemon was wedged in his mouth.

        Spike did so, and they tried to stare each other down as they poured salt on their palms.  Spike stuck out his tongue defiantly before lapping up the salt, tipping back his shot of tequila as Giles did the same, and they each stuck a lemon slice in thier mouths, sucking down the juice that made their eyes water and mouths pinch up.

        "Lasch chancsh Watscher!"  Spike warned, pouring another shot of tequila.

        "Jusch pour!"  

        The pair were finally kicked out of the Fish Bowl, and were now reeling together down the street drunkenly, singing at the top of their lungs.  "What do you do with a drunken schlayer?  What do you do with a drunken schlayer earlai in the morning?!"

        Giles giggled, his arm around Spike's shoulder as they keeled to the side.  "I licksch my Schlayer," Spike confessed to the Watcher, and he giggled again, "You saids licksch!"

        Spike thought for a few seconds, "I did!"  he said in some wonder, "And I likesch to do that toos!"

        Spike then looked at him almost reproachfully, "Whys won't you let me sees her?"

        "Causch you're a no good drunk!"

        "I'm a no good drunk?!"  Spike shouted, letting go of him, "I'm EVIL!  Whatsch your excusch!?"

        Giles looked insulted, "I'm not drunk!"

        Spike scowled at him, "Shesch my Schlayer!  Sos you keeps your handsch off of her!"

        Giles glared at him, bringing up his fists, weaving on his feet, "I'll box your earsch for that, boy!"  

        "Boy?!"  Spike fairly roared, "I'm two hundred yearsch your schenior!"  

        "And you're seduching seventeen year old girlsch, you pervo!"

        Spike blinked in surprise, then pouted, "Peaschs did it!  And I wasch going to marrys her too!"  Spike froze, his widening as a figurative light bulb went on over his head, "Is got an idea!"

        Giles eyed him warily, "What?"

        "Yous pisched cause I want to bone Erin...right?"  

        Giles scowled at the crude terming, but nodded, "Ands you thinks itsch all going to be like the Poofy one and Buffy...but I don't have a schoul to losch!"

        Giles nodded again, and Spike leaned in close, "I'ms going to proposch!  She can'ts be mad at me anymore!"

        "What about me?"  Giles whined, and Spike frowned, then grinned brightly, "Yous can givesch her away!"  

        Giles thought for a few minutes, "I stchill don't like you..."

        "Good.  I don't like yous either..."

        "But letsch do it!  She can't be pisched anymore!"  

        The two men threaded their arms together and marched down the street importantly, loudly humming the wedding march as they went along, belting out, "HERE COMES THE BRIDE!  ALL DRESSED IN WHITE! BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM, BLAM BLAM BLA-BLAM!"

        Erin growled as she opened her eyes, listening to the neighbors shout something at each other.  Can't bloody people figure out that you shouldn't fight in the suburbs?

        It took a few minutes for her tired mind to register that it was actually coming from the front yard, and she frowned, opening up the window and looking out.  

        Spike staggered under the weight of a rock, complaining to Giles, "Itsch too heavy, you stchupid git!  It'll never reach her window!"  

        Erin groaned, shaking her head, "Spike!  Giles!  You half-wits!  Are you insane or drunk?"

        "We're not drunk," Giles said, importantly puffing out his chest and Erin shook her head again, closing the window as she pulled on a robe.

        She came downstairs and opened the door to find Giles and Spike waiting on the porch expectantly, and instead of letting them in, she joined them on the porch, shutting the door behind her.

        "What are you two idiots doing?"  Her nose wrinkled, "You reek of booze...and lemons?"

        "The Watchser thought he could drinks me unders the table," Spike said proudly, "But he didn't!"

        Erin sighed, rubbing the bridge of her nose wearily, "This wasn't what I meant by get along!"  She said to no one in particular, then glared at them, "What do you want?"

        Spike and Giles linked arms, beaming at her, "Wes decided that we's can schare.  I marry you...and he givesch you away!  And he gestch custody during the day!  And I gestch you weekendsch, nightsch...and whenever you're nakids."

        "Naked?"  Erin repeated, then groaned, "Sweet Lord...please tell me I am not hearing this!"

        Giles nodded, grinning at Spike, "Hey!  You'll be like...my schon-in law!"  

        Spike eyed her robe, "Are you nakid now?"

        "Erin? What's going on out here?"

        Giles' eyes widened comically, "Itsch Joyche!  We're caughts!"

        Joyce opened the door and stared at the two obviously drunk man, "Oh Lord," she muttered beneath her breath.

        "Do you get the Schlayer's mum when she's nakid?"  Spike asked Giles curiously, and he beamed, "Shesch cute nakid!"  

        Joyce groaned as Erin stared at her in shock, "He saw you naked!?"

        "Twiche," Giles grinned at Spike, looking very proud of himself, "On a poliche car!"

        "No fairs!"  Spike pouted, looking at Erin, "Now we havesch to do it on a poliche car!"

        Erin was staring at Joyce, who had gone quite a lovely red, "Get them in here before the neighbors hear them!" She hissed, grabbing Spike by the labels and hauling him bodily inside.

        "Hey!"  He said, looking offended, "Only shesch allowed to treats me roughly!"

        "Oh lord..." Joyce repeated again as Erin shoved Giles in the door.  They teetered in the foyer as they each grinned at the two women.

        "Okay...they're inside...now what?"  

        "We pump them so full of coffee, they start sweating it," Joyce said, heading into the kitchen and Spike grinned at Erin, dropping to one knee, "Sos, pet...how 'bout it?  Marry me?"

        "I'm not marrying you," She snapped, and he looked up at her, wounded, his bottom lip trembling, and she sighed, "Spike...stand up."

        He shook his head stubbornly, "Not tills you marry me!"  

        "Fine...I'll marry you, now get up!"

        He grinned, staggering up.  He stumbled a bit and Erin tried to right him and he fell against her instead, sending them crashing to the ground, and Erin winced in pain as his body weight put pressure on her still sore rips.  

        He kissed her very sloppily, then nuzzled her neck, purring loudly while Giles stared at them, wide-eyed, "He purrsch?"

        Erin rolled her eyes, "Spike?  Get off."

        "Later," he muttered, "I's tired."

        She heard him snort against her throat, then his chest stopped moving as he passed out, and she groaned, "Joyce!  I need a little help!"  

        "I's can help!" Giles bent, attempting to dislodge the unconcious vampire, muttering about rude people who did it in other people's living rooms, and Erin groaned again.

        Giles finally gave up the effort and staggered to the couch, flopping down on it.  "I's needs a nap too," he announced to Erin, laying his head down and closing his eyes.

        Erin lay there with a two hundred pound vampire laying on top of her, staring up at the ceiling.  

        Joyce finally emerged from the kitchen, and sighed, seeing Erin's predictament and helped her move Spike off of her.  

        Erin winced again as she stood, glaring at the two men in her life, "Is it wrong to kill them when they're vulnerable?"  She asked, and Joyce nodded, then grinned suddenly, "Want to pay them back for this?"

        Erin raised an eyebrow, "What do you have in mind?"

        Joyce's smile was one of pure evil as she led Erin up the stairs.

        Spike groaned.  His head was pounding terribly.  Oh God...I'm sobering up...someone kill me...

        He wondered idly if he had any spare bottles of liquor laying around the mansion, then remembered blurrily that he had finished them off, then headed towards the Fish Bowl to get drunk.  

        Then everything was really kind of fuzzy, although, he did think he remebered something about Giles in a wedding dress...

        Spike groaned, reaching for the sheets, intending to bury himself in bed till his head decided to stop hurting or just exploded, either way ending his misery.

        Instead, he got a handful a soft, warm skin.

        His eyes shot open as he stared at the redhead, sleeping peacefully next to him, her hands tucked beneath her head, a small smile curling her lips.

        His eyes widened as he glanced around the room, then groaned, realizing it was Buffy's.  Bloody hell...did I shag her or what?  He'd hate to think he couldn't remeberer doing that, especially since he had been waiting for God knows how long to do just that again.

        Erin's eyes opened, and she smiled at him, kissing his forehead, "Morning, love," she whispered softly, snuggling against him, and Spike ignored the marching jazz band in his brain as he wrapped his arm around her, "Uh...pet?  What happened last night?"

        She looked up at him, pouting in disappointment, "You don't remember?"  

        "Um...remember what?"  

        "I can't believe you don't remember!"  She sat up, looking insulted, "I can't believe you don't remember that!  You said it was the most memorable night of your life!"

        "Um...did I?"  Spike frowned, running a hand over his eyes, "Christ...baby, just tell me what happen--" his words suddenly cut short as he caught a glint out of the corner of his eye, and he held up his hand, staring at the golden wedding band shining on it.

        "What the FUCK!?"

        He glanced at Erin's hand, where an identical one was shining, "BLOODY HELL!"

        Giles heard Spike's shout, groggily forcing himself awake.  Right away, Joyce was beside him, holding out a cup of coffee, which he took gratefully, but in confusion, "Joyce?  What are you doin--" he glanced around, groaning when he realized he was in the Summers' living room.  "What happened last night?"

        Joyce sighed happily, sitting beside him, "I'm so glad you and Spike worked things out so nicely," she told him, and Giles frowned, "Spike?"  He vaguely remembered Spike and something about peanuts, but that was all.

        "Yes...oh, it was such a beautiful ceremony, Rupert.  And you cried when you gave her away..."

        "Huh?"  Bewilderement was written clearly over his features, "Gave who away?"

        "Why, Erin of course!"  Joyce shot him a look like he was insane because he didn't remember.  Smiling brightly, she patted his hand, "And she was so sweet and beautiful in the dress I wore when I got married..."

        "What?!"  Giles gaped at her in shock as Spike stumbled down the stairs, his eyes wide, "Watcher!  You goddamn wanker!  You made me married!"

        Erin followed Spike, and Joyce glanced at her, raising an eyebrow.

        "WHAT?!"  Giles was even more confused, trying to focus his vision on the hand Spike was holding in front of his face, his head nearly splitting in two with a headache.  "LOOK!  Rings!  She has one too!  I'm married!  I'm a vampire!  I don't get married!"

        "That's not what you said last night," Erin pouted, looking at her 'husband' with liquid eyes, tears brimming on the edges, "You said you loved me and wanted me to be your wife...and Giles gave me away...and Joyce was my matron-of-honor...granted, Bob's Shotgun Shack wasn't exactly my idea of a dream wedding..." her voice wavered as the first tears spilled over, "But you said you loved me and so I didn't care!"

        Spike nearly groaned at the sight of her tears, "I'm sorry, baby...it's just...um...shock, that's all..." he wrapped his arms around her waist, "Sorry, luv...course I'm happy...just putting it off for a few centuries...that's all...right?"

        Giles stared at them in shock, repeating raggedly, "Ma-married?  Spike?  Erin?"

        Joyce nodded, barely able to contain a giggle, "Oh, yes...it was quite nice, Rupert...too bad you can't remember it..." She took a deep breath, composing her face, "Of course, now, you can't possibly object to anything..."

        "I...um..." Giles was at a loss for words as Erin buried her face against Spike's chest, her shoulders shaking presumably with sobs, but was really her trying to keep from bursting out laughing as Spike stroked her hair, crooning to her softly, "It's all right, baby...I'm not mad or anything...just wish I was sober and all..."

        "Christ on a pony," Giles muttered, shaking his head grudgingly, "Whatever, then!  It's out of my bloody hands!"  

        "So, she can keep seeing him?  Promise?"  Joyce prodded, a small smile on her face, and Giles sighed, scowling, "Yes...not my place anymore, now is it?"

        Erin lifted her face and Spike dipped his head down, kissing her thoroughly, married...to a Slayer...can my life get anymore absurd?  He thought, his tongue careesing the inside of her mouth, my Slayer...my wife...holy fuck...

        He realized with some surprise as he hesistantly tore away from Erin, that he was in fact disappointed that he wasn't sober enough to remember, and growled softly.

        He glanced at the ring on his fingers, his eyes narrowing slightly, then grinned slowly, "I'm going to make it right, this time, baby...and I'm going to remember every goddamned detail..."

        Erin's eyes widened in surprise, "Um...Spike...maybe you should know..."

        He dropped to his knees in front of her, smiling up at her rakishly, "Erimentha Aloria Gillian...will you be my wife?"

        "Spike...there's something you should know..."

        "And would you give Joyce back her rings already?"

        Erin's face flushed bright red as Giles sputtered, "Wh-what?!"

        "How'd you know?"  Erin asked, thoroughly chargrined as Spike removed the wedding band.  He handed it to her, and she saw the name 'Hank' stenciled on the outside, and groaned, "Oh...damn..."

        Joyce sighed, taking them back, "It was fun while it lasted," she giggled slightly, "And you missed the look on Rupert's face when I told him he cried when he gave you away."

        Giles glared at her, "That was...was..."

        "Completely deserved, after your performance last night," She smiled at him indugently, "And didn't you promise to not keep those two away from each other?"

        "But...that was only because I thought...they were..." he struggled to explain while Erin shook her head, glancing down at Spike, "Sorry for having you on like that, love.  You can get up now," she started to pull away, but his grip on her hand prevented her.

        She frowned, looking at him again, "What are you doing?"

        "It's not polite to leave a bloke hanging," he said, still grinning, and she rolled her eyes, "That's not funny anymore...now get up."

        He growled softly, still remaining in his position, despite the slight cramping in his thighs, "Answer me, luv."

        She gaped at him when she realized he was being completely serious, but still shook her head, "Spike...you're insane.  You're a vampire and...and...I'm a Slayer vampire...and...and..."

        "I'm bloody in love with you, pet," he tugged on her hand lightly, his eyes darkening slightly as his grin disappeared.  "Answer me."

        "Say no!"  Giles called out, and Joyce smacked him upside the head, "Ow!  What?"

        "What if I say no?"

        "Then I'll look bloody ridicolous," he groused, "Now hurry up, I'm bloody getting a cramp here..."

        She eyed him doubtfully for several minutes, unsure of what to say.  She watched as his face darkened at her silence, and his teeth pressed down on his bottom lip in a subtle expression of disappointment.  

        "Yes."

        Spike stared at her for a few more seconds, before letting out the breath he was holding, grinning cockily, "Fuck me...I'm engaged!"  

        Giles groaned as Joyce patted him on the shoulder, "It isn't so bad.  You're not losing a daughter as much as you're gaining a son..."

        "Well...it could be worse..." he admitted grudgingly as Spike stood, wrapping Erin up in another breath-stealing kiss, and Joyce peered at him curiously, "How?"

        "It could be Xander."

Part 8: Revelations

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