Vulnerability.

       A word I never associated with Spike.

       Arrogant, strong, irritating, those are words I associate with him.  Killer, murderer, vampire, demon, soulless...

       Never vulnerable.

       "Come in, Spike."

       Three simple words.  He looked at me like I had given him the world as he stepped over the threshold.

       He looked like he was about to smirk, but he looked away briefly before smiling shyly.

       "Hmm...presto...no barrier..."

       Unsure, wary, vulnerable.

       Lethal, murderer, smart.

       "Till the end of the world," He vows without hesistation.  "Even if it happens to be tonight."

       Honest, hateful, cruel.

       I believe him.  He always kept his word.  Sort of.

       I told him to leave town twice.  He always came back.  Maybe I should have told him to never come again. He would have stayed away, if I had made him promise.  I never did.

       Evil, vicious, deadly.

       "I know you'll never love me..."  He calls as as I start up the stairs, and I pause, turning around to face him.

       "I know that I'm a monster..."

       He never denied it.  Angel did.  Angel was a monster, as much as Spike.  But he would never admit it...never admit to himself what he was capable of, soul or no soul.  I had a glimpse of it when he came out of hell...what he could be...what he could become, even with a soul.

       Truth-sayer, pompous, beautiful, crass.

       "But you treat me like a man...and..."

       I wait for him to finish, but he looks away again, as if knowing the futility of what he was saying.

       Mocking, rude, rough.

       "Get your stuff...I'll be here..."

       I know he will be.  He is always here, whether I wanted him to be or not.  He was always here.  Tonight, he could die, and we both know it.  I could die, or the world will end.

       I start back up the stairs, but pause half-way up.

       Butcher, vain, powerful, sensual.

       Deprecative, hard, stubborn, unyielding.

       "Spike..."

       He looks up at me, a frown marring his almost perfect features, "Yeah?"

       Tender, sharp, venomous.

       I look back up the stairs.

       Fast, cold, sensitive.

       "Are you coming?"

       He looks towards the living room, "You said your weapons are down here..."

       I smile.  He doesn't get it.

       "Spike..."

       Unsure, killer, lover.

       He looks at me, confusion evident on his face, "Slayer...?"

       Changing, contridactory, strong, soft.

       I take the hem of my sweater in my hands and pull it over my head.  I wear a black tanktop underneath and I know it clings to my body.

       His eyes widen as he stares at my face, not my body.  I like that.  I think he knows this.  He knows me better then I know myself.  That's how he fights me.  He knows my insecurities, my strengths, my weakness.

       He knows what I am.  He tells me all the time.

       Slayer.

       He also knows who I am.

       "You're not friends.  You'll never be friends.  You'll be in love till it kills you both.  You'll fight....and you'll shag, and you'll hate each other till it makes you quiver...but you'll never friends..."

       A few simple words and he summed up me and Angel.

       "Love isn't brains, children, it's blood..."

       "It's what keeps you going. Makes you warm. Makes you hard. Makes you other than dead.  Of course it's her blood..."

       "Blood screaming inside you to work it's will...I maybe love's bitch...but at least I'm man enough to admit it..."

       He takes a step towards me, his face flickering with a myriad of emotions that he's not supposed to have.

       Love, hate, anticipation, anxiety, disappointment, realization, love...

       I turn again and continue up the stairs, knowing he will follow me.

       Just as it is my destiny to live, love, lead, hurt, slay and die, it's his destiny to follow, to fight, to hate, to love, to lose, to hurt.

       Maybe he's wrong.  Maybe, one day, I will love him.

       For now, a few simple words will do.

       "Spike, make love to me."

The End

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