Matchmaker

Anya was an expert at relationships...once they ended. That was her speciality. For a thousand years, she was a Vengeance Demon, righting the wrongs of women by thier male counterparts.

So, it was a huge surprise to her boyfriend Xander, when she idly mentioned in bed that she thought Buffy, Spike, Giles and Joyce needed people in their lives, like she had Xander, (But not Xander! He was hers!)

"What're you talking about, Ayn?" He asked curiously as she lay against his chest, and she sighed, "Remember that movie we watched...with the matchmaker?"

"The one with the short, old Irish guy and Jeanne Garfalo?"

"Yeah," Anya smiled widely, "I could do that."

"Anya, believe me when I say, this could only end badly..."

"Pooh..." She scrunched up her nose, "I'm an expert at these things!"

"Um...I thought you were an expert at making people cry."

"That was a job...this is a hobby..."

Xander shook his head, wondering if his girlfriend had snapped. "Fine...but if Buffy decapatites you, or Spike snaps like a dry twig, it's not my fault."

Anya beamed widely, "I'll start with Buffy...she shouldn't be so hard."

"NO!" Buffy looked absolutly horrified, "I have never been on a blind date in my life! And I am so not starting now!"

Anya gave Buffy her best pout, "Please? It'll be fun, and the guy is ultra nice..."

"Nice means ugly!" Buffy pointed out, crossing her arms over her chest, "And why the sudden interest in my love life?!"

Anya shook her head, "You haven't dated anyone since Dirk bit the dust!"

Buffy looked pained and Anya swore beneath her breath as the Slayer began to stalk off towards her dorm, and followed, "I'm sorry he was turned!"

Buffy sighed, stopping, "Anya...Riley...and Dirk is the exact reasons why I don't date anymore...they both died because of me. I can't be with normal people and you know it!"

Anya smiled secretly, "Don't worry, Buffy...please! Just trust me! Please, please, please, please, please..."

"NO!"

"Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please..."

Anya was starting to look blue in the face, but Buffy shook her head. "No!"

"Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please!"

"ALL RIGHT! JUST SHUT THE HELL UP!!!!"

"I cannot believe I let her talk me into this!" Buffy complained to her Slaying partner and always annoying mortal enemy, and Spike chuckled, having been witness to the verbal torture the ex-demoness had put the Slayer through.

"I'm just glad that someone else noticed your severe need to get laid," Spike told her with a lewd grin and Buffy glared at him, holding up her stake threateningly, but then dropped it after a few seconds, knowing it didn't bother him anymore.

"You just laugh, blondie...rumour is from Xander, that she's setting her sights on you next."

"Yeah?" Spike grinned, "I think I'm touched...course, Harmony would have a fit."

"Ugh...you're still seeing that airhead?" Buffy grimaced, "What do you see in her?"

"She's convenient," Spike shrugged, "She's the 7-11 of sex."

"You're a pig, Spike," Buffy shuddered, and Spike chuckled, "Yeah...so you tell me, over and over again...admit it, Slayer...you're jealous!"

"Yeah, right...I'm insanely jealous of Harmony...cause you use her for sex...oh, Spikey...please, use me, use me like no man has never used me before!" Buffy pleaded in a high-pitched voice, and Spike nearly groaned at the imagery that conjured up.

Instead, he smirked, wagging his black eyebrows, "Well, Slayer...if you insist..."

"UGH!"

Willow and Anya were both smiling widely as they watched Buffy meticolously prepare for her blind date. She caught their looks, and glared at them, "I just want to look nice, that's all!"

"Uh-uh," Anya agreed unconvincingly, beaming brightly, "He's the perfect guy for you, Buffy...he's tough, strong...really funny..."

"Cute?" Willow asked curiously, and Anya nodded, "I would've dated him if I didn't have a Xander."

Buffy twirled a strand of hair around a manicured finger, "Okay...how will I know who he is?"

"He'll be the only guy at the resturant...with...uh...a red suit."

Buffy nodded, looking at the mirror, then asked almost nervously, "Um...how do I look?"

"Great, beautiful, late," Anya looked pointedly at her watch, "Now shoo! Make a connection! Get married and have lots of Slayer babies!"

Willow and Buffy exchanged a look, and the Slayer smiled slowly, "Thanks, Anya, I owe you one."

I am going to kill her!

Buffy smiled tensely, holding her butterknife between her two hands, the metal about ready to snap.

Across from her sat her date, a Chaos demon named Louie Percy Ghloak, in a scarlet suit, which he was currently dripping pus or slime on. He held a wine glass in his hand, or rather, hoove, and his antlers were nearly brushing the ceiling.

When I said I didn't date normal guys...I didn't mean this!

"My last relationship was a bit...troubled," Louie told her, leaning across the table to rest a hoof on her hand, and she bit back a grimace, her smile widening till it was painful as he covered it in slime. She certainly didn't have an appetaite for her shrimp alfredo anymore.

"But I have a good feeling about us, Buffy," He smiled, "I think we have a real connection. And believe me I was doubtful when Anyanka told me you were a Slayer...I was pretty sure this date would end in me being slayed..."

Don't discount that yet. "Yeah...it's been real fun..." She replied, "I almost can't wait for it too end..." Louie frowned, and Buffy hastily added, so not to hurt his feelings, "So we can get to the second."

He smiled brightly as Buffy retracted her hand, hurriedly wiping it off with her napkin, then swore quietly beneath her breath when the napkin stuck to her. Oh God...what if he wants a kiss goodnight?!

"You're a great girl, Buffy...I bet we have a great and bright future together..."

Her smile only widened as she bent her butterknife in half.

Spike bounced jauntily down the street, humming a song softly to himself. He paused to tie a loose shoelace outside a resturant, then caught a familiar scent on the air.

He straightened, glancing around curiously, then looked in the resturant window, grinning, "Slayer!"

His grin immediately faded when he saw her date, and his eyes narrowed.

Please, please, please end this now! Buffy pleaded silently, now playing with her shrimp fork as Louie prattled on about their future together.

He suddenly fell silent, his eyes widening as he looked towards the window, and he jumped to his feet, antlers brushing against the ceiling. A couple behind him let out a disgusted sound when some of his slime landed on their food, and Buffy grimaced when a big, gooey blob fell in her noodles.

"Gotta go!" He shouted, starting to whirl around, and yelped when his antlers bumped against a light fixture.

Buffy looked over her shoulder, eyes widening when she saw Spike standing outside, his eyes narrowed to tiny slits and looking murderous. He suddenly punched in the window and she leapt to her feet as he rushed past her, tackling the retreating demon.

"SPIKE!" Buffy shouted as the vampire snarled and pounded on the Chaos Demon, "What are you doing?!"

He looked over his shoulder, then grabbed the shrimp fork out of her hands, "Thanks, luv, that'll do!"

Louie howled as Spike plunged the utensil into his body, "Listen, man! I didn't know she was...OW! Your girl!"

"I'm not his girl!" Buffy shouted.

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!" The demon thrashed ineffectually as Spike continued to stab him with the shrimp fork, "Oh! COME ON! Drusilla said she didn't have a guy! She threw herself at me like a bitch in heat!"

"WRONG ANSWER!" Spike grinned darkly as he thrust the fork into Louie's eye, and Buffy groaned, raising her hand to get the waiter's attention, "Check please!"

"You killed her date with a shrimp fork?!" Joyce stared at Spike, and he shrugged, popping a tiny marshmallow in his mouth, "He was the guy I caught Dru with," He told her, "'Sides, you should be thanking me...I doubt you really wanted slimy grandkids."

Joyce considered this as Anya walked in, then smiled, "I guess so...but a shrimp fork? Really, Spike..."

"Points to me for originality," He joked, then glanced at Anya as she stalked in, wincing when he saw she was pissed, " 'allo..."

"You killed him?!"

"Well...yeah...but don't be giving me boils on me penis or nuthin'..."

Anya pouted as she sat down at the counter, taking the cocoa Joyce offered her, "Do you know how long it took me to convince Buffy to do this? Now she won't even talk to me!"

"To be fair, it could be because you set her up with a cheating, slimy Chaos demon that screwed me over...plus, she got slime on that little black number she was wearing..." Spike got a faraway look on his face, and Joyce smiled as she looked towards him.

Anya looked between the two of them, then beamed brightly.

Spike nervously fiddled with his tie as he chain-smoked, silently cursing out Anya. If she had set Buffy up with a Chaos Demon, he shuddered to think about who or what she set him up with.

He sat inside a Italien resturuant, of all things, waiting for his date, who was supposed to be wearing a lavender dress. He hoped she wouldn't be late, since the smell of garlic was already making his eyes water and his skin tingle unpleasantly.

He was going to kill Anya.

And if he heard the word 'please' ever again, he'd stake himself!

"Spike?!"

His head shot up at his name, and his eyes widened when he saw his 'date' for the evening. "Mum?!"

The seemingly older woman groaned as she shook her head and Spike stood up, rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably before pulling out a chair for her.

She sat down with a sigh as Spike pushed her chair in before taking his seat again, "So...um...Anya...huh...?"

"Yeah," Joyce nodded, then glanced away from him briefly, "I have to murder her."

Spike nodded his agreement, swiping at his watering eyes, "Um...so...how was work...?"

"Work...work is good...lots...of art..." Joyce grabbed her water glass and concentrated most of her attention on the process of sipping it.

Spike rubbed the back of his neck, then winced when a lady at the table next to them said very loudly, "It's so nice when a young man takes his mother out to dinner, isn't it, Flo...?"

Joyce blushed deeply, looking down at her plate, and Spike growled at the women next to them, elicting a shocked response from them. "Well, I never!"

"Spike!"

"Sorry, mum," He looked sheepish, "Not in a too good of a mood at the moment...and I rarely suffer fools...ever."

"This is so embaressing..."

"Why? We talk to each other all the time in your kitchen...why should this be any different?"

"Spike...you look about ready to die of aphixation," Joyce pointed out, and the vampire shrugged, "Nothin' personal to you, mum, but Italien food...not exactly the best thing for vampires. All that garlic, you know..."

Joyce nodded, then looked thoughtful as she picked up her menu, "I guess I know why Xander was laughing when he and Anya came over to help me get ready."

"Harris knew? I'll skin the little whelp."

"Behave," Joyce gave him a stern look, and he sighed expansively, "Kill my fun, mum."

"That's my job as your mum, dear," She smiled at the blond vampire, "All I know, it'll be a long, cold day in Hell before I let her talk me into another blind date."

"Ditto," Spike agreed whole-heartedly. If he didn't have a chip in his head, they'd be ex-demon parts strewn all about Sunnydale. He could yell and swear at her, but the last time he did that, she just added some new, interesting words to her vocabulary, and drove the entire gang insane.

Sounds like a plan.

"Oh...one thing, mum..." Spike gestured at his suit, "Please...tell no one of this!"

"Lips are sealed," She made a zipping motion across her lips for emphasis, and he looked relieved as he opened his menu. If word ever got out that he, William the Bloody, was wearing a tie, he'd never live it down!

He scowled as he looked over the menu, then waved a waiter over, "Is there anything on here that doesn't have garlic?"

The waiter set down a basket of complimentary garlic bread, "No."

"What about the spagetti?"

"Yes."

"The little potato thingy?"

"Yes."

"The mozzrela sticks?"

"Yes."

"The salad?"

"Yes."

"The garlic bread?!" He asked in exasperation, and the waiter stared at him boredly, "No, surprisingly, the garlic bread is without garlic."

"The world hates a smart-arse," Spike muttered, snapping his menu closed

Joyce smiled at his frustration, handing the waiter her menu, "I'll take the pasta primevera and a glass of red wine."

The waiter nodded, then looked back at Spike, "And for you sir?"

"Beer," He replied in annoyance, "Imported, not that crap you Americans claim is liquor."

The waiter nodded, then disappeared into the back as Spike eyed the garlic bread warily. This is going to be a long night...he glanced at Joyce, then smiled evilly, but at least I can get the good dirt on the Slayer.

After a bottle of wine shared between the two friends, Spike drove Joyce home, his face a little red from when the smell of garlic had gotten to him and he had passed out face-down in the basket of bread.

Joyce couldn't help but laugh at that, a little sloshed from her wine, and even Spike had to chuckle, even though he spent a better part of an hour in the W.C., washing garlic powder off his face.

"She burned down her gym?!" Spike gaped at Joyce as he walked her to the door, always the gentleman, and Joyce giggled, "Her excuse? She objected to the use of abestos."

Spike snorted, shaking his head, "Even Dru would have never fallen for that one."

Joyce sighed heavily, "She's a handful...and she worries me sometimes..."

"Worries you?" Spike shook his head, "There was this one bloody time we were fighting a Heik demon, nasty bugger, with the poisoned claws and such...and she rushed right at him without waiting for me and nearly got her head taken off and then..." He caught Joyce's horrified look, and grinned sheepishly, "And...uh...fought very responisibly, the end."

"Right," Joyce looked doubtful as Buffy opened the door. "Mom, how did Anya...oh my GAWD!" She stared at Spike in shock, "HE'S YOUR DATE?!"

Spike chuckled, glancing at Joyce, "It was fun, mum, we have to do it again..." He winked at her before leaning forward and kissing her cheek, elicting a high-pitched squeak from Buffy. He was hard put to contain his laughter as he whirled and made his way back to his car, hearing Buffy fairly shriek, "MOM! YOU DID NOT GO ON A DATE WITH SPIKE?! DID YOU?!"

Anya sighed deeply. Thus far, her matchmaking had been a bust. She had really thought that Joyce and Spike would make the perfect couple! Then again, him calling her 'mum' all the time should have tipped her off. "Well," she sighed, glancing up at Giles' house, sighing again. "Three down, one to go."

Anya took a deep breath, and Giles sighed in relief.

Buffy tried to sympathise with her Watcher, she really did...except, after hearing about Spike and her mom's distraous date, she really couldn't wait to see who Giles' was paired with in Anya's warped little mind.

Speaking of which, she was sure her mom had let slip some very juicy secrets, considering the way the blond vampire had been grinning like an idiot the last time she saw him. Kill mom and Anya later...right now, laugh at Giles' pain...

Which she was doing...happily.

"I blame you for this!" The Watcher said with an accusing finger-point, "She's your friend!"

"Not mine," Buffy scoffed, "But I just can't wait to see who she stuck you with!"

"It cannot be worse then your demon and Spike," Giles said, "She promised it was a human."

"Oh, sure," Buffy rolled her eyes, "You get the human...how'd you manage that?"

Giles shrugged, straightening his tweed jacket, "Just lucky, I guess."

"A telepath...?"

Amber Jenkins nodded. She was a bubbly brunette who was half his age. I'm going to kill Anya!

"Yep, yep!" She beamed vapidly at him, "And I can hear everything you're saying...why do you want to kill Anya? She's super-sweet and super-nice for setting us up...and you have a super-super hands!"

Giles gaped at her, at a loss for words as she grabbed his hand, inspecting it, "You play guitar! I love music! It was my major in college!"

Well, at least she's out of college.

"Only for a year," She grinned, pratically bouncing in her chair, and Giles shook his head, stop thinking...don't think...stop thinking...stop thinking about not thinking!

She giggled, "You're a weird guy...but I like weird guys! They have the superest thoughts!"

That's not a word...oh...do shut up! She can hear you, you stupid git!

"So, what part of Ireland are you from?"

Giles grabbed his drink, downing it quickly, then drew the waiter's attention to his liquorless plight by holding up his glass, "Um...I'm English, actually...from a small shire..."

"Shire?!" She bobbed her head as she popped her gum, "Like in the Hobbit?"

"You read the Hobbit?" Giles asked, glad to see they had something in common, but she shook her head, "Naw, but I saw the movie with the crappy animation."

"There's a movie?"

Amber nodded enthustically, "Yep, yep! Why read books if you can watch a movie, I always say!"

Oh Lord...

"You shouldn't take the Lord's name in vain," She chastised him, "Even if it's in your head. I'm not the only telepath, you know!"

Maybe if I poke this shrimp fork...shut up! Bloody hell! Stop thinking!

Amber only giggled again, amused by his thoughts as she sucked a long strand of spagetti into her mouth with a slurp that made Giles cringe.

"Um...Amber...what...other interests do you have?"

"Well, I loved studying orgasms in high school..."

Giles choked on a piece of bread, and she frowned, "Oh, wait...that's organisms...I always get the two mixed up," She grinned, "I'm just so flaky sometimes!"

"Sometimes?" Giles muttered, then shook his head, "So, you like orgasms...ORGANISMS!?"

Amber nodded, "Especially the puppies...but I puked when we had to dissect the pig, so...ick...vets aren't for me! No siree-Bob!"

Giles stared at her, Did she just say no siree-bob?

"Yeah, silly!" She slapped his arm playfully, snapping her gum again. Giles longed to rip it out of her mouth...oh hell...take her tongue too...

"What about my tongue?"

"Oh...uh..." Giles stammered for an explanation, "It's...a nice tongue...it's a good tongue to have..."

She smiled brightly, "That's what my ex-boyfriend used to say! You know, before Anya turned him into a toad for me."

"Good God!" Giles gaped at her, "You're one of Anya's old...customers?!"

"Yep, Yep!"

Giles shook his head, must kill...must crush...

Amber frowned, "You're getting into the scary thoughts now."

"Oh, sorry..." stop thinking, stop thinking...oh, not this again! Bloody hell!

Amber giggled, popping her gum again, and Giles took a deep breath, "So...what else...do you like...?"

"Well...sometimes, I take off all my clothes and dance naked in the full moon...it calls to me you know...and it has a super-sexy voice!"

Giles' eyes widened when he realized she was being serious. "Um...I have to go to the bathroom and..." drown myself...

Amber pouted as Giles bolted for the door, "Damn, he seemed super-nice and more normal then most guys," She confided to the breadbasket, then sighed, "Yeah, I know...they can fool you."

"It's not working!" Anya complained from her closet, "You people are not cooperating!"

Spike, Giles and Buffy stood outside, all waiting for the demoness to unlock the door and face them, "You sent me on a date with my mum!"

"You sent me on a date with a insane telepath!"

"Hey! She's not your mom!"

"And what, exactly is wrong with insane telepaths, mate?"

"Just cause you dated one..."

"Hello! I think I'm more the wronged party here! A slimy demon! She set me up with a slimy demon! That slept with Drusilla! I do have standards here!"

"Hey! What's with the bleeding Dru bashing?!"

Anya sulked among her shoes and clothes, listening as the trio fought amongst themselves, "Try to do a good deed..." She muttered, shaking her head. "Fine!" She shouted through the door, "Be lonely and...pathetic and all alone! I just wanted you all to BE HAPPY and have a normal LIFE with people you LOVE!"

The fighting quieted on the other end, and she heard three murmured apologies, then sighed in relief when she heard the front door close. She glanced at Xander, who was huddling beside her, "I think they're gone."

"Good," He shook his head, "I told you this would end badly..."

She shrugged as he went to open the door, "I'm not done yet..."

Xander jerked in surprise, and the knob came off in his hand and he groaned, looking down at it. "I got news for you, Ayn...we'll starve to death in a shoe closet before you'll ever set those four up with people they can relate too."

Anya went rigid suddenly, a plan forming in her mind, "That's perfect!" She grabbed the knob from him and inserted it back in before popping the door open, "Xander! You're a genius!"

"Uh?" Xander looked completely confused, a bra hanging on his shoulder, "I am?"

Anya followed Spike closely, careful to remain out of his sphere of senses, watching him intently.

She followed him through the graveyard, ducking behind a tree when Harmony way-laid him.

"Spppiiiikkkkeee!" She called in an annoying falseletto, "Spike! You never came home last night!"

Spike sighed as he stopped, throwing a glare over his shoulder, "I was busy, Harm."

"Yeah...right...hanging out with Betty and killing my friends! Just because you're a big social leaper..."

"That's leper, you tart."

"Whatever!" She pulled a face of disgust, "Marc won't talk to me anymore and Jared said he'll kill me if I keep hanging out with the traitor!"

"Good, then stop hanging out with me," He started to stalk off, and he called over his shoulder, "I have to meet Buffy for patrol."

Harmony glared after him, then stomped off.

Anya shook her head, "Nope...definitatly no relation there...except for the whole sex thing," She sighed. She knew enough about mortals now to know that sex did not equal love. Except with Xander. Oh...I wonder if he's at home...she shook her head. She was on a mission.

She followed Spike again, pausing when he did so, frowning. She couldn't figure out why he had stopped. "Why...hello pet," He murmured, and her eyes widened, convinced she had been found out, but he didn't look towards her as he cocked his head, staring at someone she couldn't see.

She inched closer, peeking her head over a tombstone, her eyebrows shooting up. "Bingo."

The next person on Anya's target list was Giles. He was watching her warily as she stared at him, sitting on his couch. He coughed uncomfortably as he shelved a few books in his 'library.'

"So...Giles...Amber was a no go?"

"Amber was a teeny-bobber nightmare," The Watcher replied, "Why are you here?"

"Bored," She shrugged, flipping through a magazine she had brought with her to use as a 'cover.' "So...I heard you had sex with Joyce...was she your first?"

"Wh-who told you that?!" He gaped at her, then caught on the last of her statement, "And no! She was not my first!"

"What about your orgasm friend?"

"Good God, Anya!" Giles shook his head, "You're surely mad!"

"I'm not mad, I'm trying to...um..." She faltered, "Be friendly..."

"Uh-uh," Giles didn't look like he believed her, and was relieved beyond belief when the phone rang. Distraction good...

"Hello? Yes, Joyce...she's torturing me right now," He glared at Anya, then turned his back on her, "Yes, I heard about the Spike thing...too bad you two kids couldn't hit it off," He chuckled at her expense.

On the other end, Joyce smiled and shook her head, "I heard about bubble-gum girl. At least Spike is five times my age. Yours was barely out of high school."

"College," He corrected, then sighed, "More like middle school."

Joyce laughed, "Well, Spike and I had a nice time," She glanced at the flowers the vampire had sent on a lark, a mother's day card included. She smiled, shaking her head. The message had been simple, but it still made her feel warm and fuzzy for her favorite vampire. 'To a great mum...and I'll try and keep the Slayer alive for you. If she doesn't stake me first.'

"Well, beware. I had my warning from Xander. She's planning something big."

Giles' eyes widened as he turned to look towards Anya, but she had already disappeared, leaving the door wide open, "Oh...bloody hell..."

Anya slid around the fringes of the Bronze, her matchmaking senses running at an all time high.

She was watching Buffy dancing with Willow, a bright smile on her face as she moved to the music. Soon, a slow song came on, and Tara came down to claim her girlfriend, and Buffy glanced around as everyone coupled up.

The Slayer sighed as she returned to her table, and Anya watched as she glanced towards the bar longingly, finding the guy that had drawn Buffy's gaze, clapping her hands happily.

Anya sat up late that night, wracking her brains for a way to pair her friends up together. They all apparently had found the perfect mates themselves, but of course were too stupid and oblivious to act on it themselves...which left it all up to her.

Anya tried to decide on a plan of action to draw them out, then beamed brightly.

"Are you insane?" Buffy eyed Anya worriedly, "Are you sure you wanna do that?"

"Xander was telling me all about it. He says it's really fun, and well, he's working tomorrow, and I have an extra pass...so I figured you might wanna come with me."

"Fine..." Buffy took the ticket with a bright smile. This was absolutly the perfect revenge against Anya, "Be prepared to have your ass whipped."

"Really, Anya...I can't take this..." Giles protested, even while he stared longingly at the ticket in his hands, a hopeful look on his face.

"Well, it's only the one, Giles...and I don't wanna go without Xander...I'd rather stay home and have lots of orgasms. You want me to stay home and have lots of orgasms, don't you?"

"Oh God, yes..." Giles blinked, realizing what he said, then flushed, "I mean...if you really don't want to go..."

"I'm sure...have fun!" Anya said brightly, bouncing out the door. Two down...

"There's a prize..." Anya coaxed Spike, who was proving very resistance to her matchmaking charms. "Five hundred dollars...you can win hands down, I promise!"

Spike peered down at the ticket in his hands, the allure of money too...luring. "I guess..."

"Great! I get a split of the winnings!"

"What? No, you don't..."

"Hey, I put you onto this...I get credit!"

"Fine...one hundred...that's it..."

Anya nodded, "Sounds good...have fun!"

Joyce signed for the flowers from Hillary, one of her old friends from High School, smiling as she opened the slim envelope, pulling out a ticket. Be there...we can catch up!

Joyce smiled brightly, slipping the ticket into her handbag.

Buffy was wearing her grungiest clothes. Faded overalls over a pale pink tanktop, her hair pulled up into a haphazard ponytail.

She was waiting out front of the paintball field, Anya yet having to make an appearence. She sighed as she hefted her gun filled with green balls, her goggles resting on top of her head.

She watched in shock as a black DeSoto pulled up in front of her, and Spike climbed out, wearing a pair of faded blue jeans, and a black t-shirt.

They jumped in surprise, staring at each other before groaning in unison, "Anya!"

Joyce made her way through the fellow theatre goers, tugging at the hem of her little black dress, finding her seat number and sitting down. She glanced around in confusion, looking for her friend, then glanced at the man in the seat beside her, her eyes widening, "Mr. Giles?!"

Giles turned in his seat, staring at Joyce in surprise, "Ms. Summers! What a surprise! What are you doing here?"

"I was supposed to meet an old high school friend..." She glanced around again, "But I guess she isn't coming...and you?"

"Anya gave me a ticket..." Their eyes widened in unison, and Joyce covered her eyes, "Well...now I know why she wanted to see my old high school year book..."

Buffy stalked down the field, leaping nimbly from behind tree to tree, gun held at ready.

She and Spike had decided not to waste their passes, and had decided to challenge each other to a paint gun fight.

Buffy looked around for Spike, eyes narrowing slightly when she got sight of his black duster, and she raised her gun, taking aim.

Spike dropped down from the tree behind her, and she screeched as he pelted her in the butt with paintballs, whirling on him to fire at his chest.

Spike caught one in the forehead, and fell on his butt, a bright, green paint splatter appearing in the middle of his pale forehead, and he yelped in pain.

"Bloody hell! These things hurt!"

Buffy looked stricken, "Spike! I'm sorry...I didn't mean to aim that high..." She offered him a hand to help him up, and he took it, then yanked her down, pinning her beneath him as he took a handful of paintballs from his pocket and squashed them in his hand, allowing the paint to dribble all over her face and chest.

Buffy shrieked, shooting at him with her gun, and he grimaced, ripping the gun away as he rolled off of her, "Whoever invented this game is one sadistic bastard!" Spike said as Buffy sat up, rubbing her butt with a grimace.

"It's like being pelted with small rocks!" Buffy said, glancing at Spike. He had bits of leaves sticking to the numerous paint stains all over his clothes, his hair sticking up all over. "Please tell me I don't look like you..."

"Nope...you definiatly look worse..." Spike teased, and she slapped him on the arm, standing up.

"Well...my ass has been pounded enough for tonight..."

Spike burst out laughing, and Buffy glared at him, "Wrong choice of words!"

"Sorry..." Spike grinned as Buffy pulled him to his feet, glancing down at her butt, where a happy face, made with paintball splatters decorated her britches. Damn, I'm good at this game..."Wanna get something to eat? As long as there's no garlic involved?"

Buffy smiled, shrugging as he slung his arm over her shoulder, "Sure, why not?"

"I love this play," Joyce whispered to Giles, watching as the actors played out their scene onstage, "Such beautiful language and power..."

"Yes...although, I don't like the way he's playing Othello..."

"Yeah...I'm not really getting the racial conflict of this play...considering he's white..."

"And Irish..." Giles and Joyce shared a chuckle, "Anya must have gotten the tickets on discount."

Joyce smiled as Giles lay his hand over hers, and Giles flushed a bit before turning his attention back to the play.

"All right...Slayer...nine out of nine...if I can get ten...then you have to admit that I'm the best!" Spike said to Buffy with a grin, and Buffy rolled her eyes as she glanced in her half-full bag of mini m-m's.

Spike was playing with the little candy dispenser he had gotten in his happy meal, making Buffy giggle everytime he glanced at the kid sitting in the booth next to him. Specifically the kid that had gotten the last yellow m-m. Spike had a thing for the peanut one.

"I can't believe you got a happy meal, " Buffy muttered with a giggle as Spike leaned over, whispering to the kid, "Hey! Trade you...I got red..."

The kid immediately started to bawl, and Spike straightened, staring straight forward in mock innocence as the parents tried to quiet him down, and Buffy lopped an m-m at him, and he caught in his mouth without hesistation.

"God...how can you do that?" Buffy asked as Spike tossed one at her, but she missed it, and it bounced off her nose.

"Coordination, pet...and lots and lots of practice. And an extreme case of boredom."

She wrinkled her nose at him as she tossed another one, and he caught it again, "You have no life, do you?"

"Nope...apparently not. I'm sitting in a Mickie D's at ten at night...lopping m-m's at my mortal enemy..."

"Not to mention playing with a happy meal toy."

"What? I like the toys...not like they had them when I was little," Spike glanced outside longingly, "Or one of those neat slides and ball pits..."

Buffy followed his gaze, "Yeah, they were a little after my time too..."

Spike grinned suddenly, grabbing her hand and she yelped as he dragged her out the door, "Spike...what are you...?"

"Come on, Slayer...stop being so grown up," The vampire said with a grin, kicking off his boots and climbing with some difficulty through a complicated system of tubes that were a bit of a tight fit.

He finally got into the ball pit, and glanced through the netting, where Buffy was staring at him like he was insane. "Oh...come on!"

Buffy shook her head, and Spike lifted an eyebrow, "Baby..."

"I'm a baby? Who's the two hundred year old guy in the kiddie ball pit?"

"Cluck cluck cluck..."

Buffy rolled her eyes, kicking her shoes off, "I'm too old for this...and you're DEFINITILY too old!"

"Cluck cluck..." Spike started to flap his arms, and Buffy giggled as she started to climb through the tubes, having a better time of it.

As soon as her head and appeared in the opening, he lobbed a hollow, green ball at her. Buffy glared at him as he grinned, jumping away as she lunged through at him, falling face first in the balls.

She looked up as he climbed through the tunnels, and she started to follow him, shaking her head, "I feel like I'm babysitting again."

Spike, apparently, found a way to get behind her in the tubes, and he slapped her butt before disappearing down another set of tubes, and Spike chuckled when he heard her let out a growl.

He found the slide and he slid down, watching as she continued through the tubes.

He went back in, and took up virgil in the ball pit till she showed up again, and she made sure to stay in the opening, "All right, deadboy...prepare to die..."

"You and what army?" Spike mocked as he scooped up a handful of balls, and she did the same.

They bounced around the ball pit, pelting each other with the balls, and soon, it resorted to Spike falling to his knees, and throwing the balls backwards with his hands, like a dog digging a hole.

Buffy jumped on top of his back, driving him down, and he twisted his body as he sank into the balls, the multicolored orbs surrounding him as Buffy pinned him down, letting him have it in the forehead with a blue ball.

He caught her hands before she could continue the assault, pulling her down, and she giggled breathlessly, shaking her head, "You're such a big kid!" She told him, and he smiled slowly.

"Yeah...but it's fun, ain't it?"

Buffy smiled, "Yeah...it is," She conceeded as he let go of one of her hands, and placed it on the back of her neck, and she closed her eyes as he drew her down for a kiss, his lips playing against hers gently.

He slowly deepened it, his tongue sweeping into her mouth as they sank farther down into the balls together.

"Hey! You! Get out of the play area!" Someone called out, and Buffy sat up to see a McDonald's employee glaring in at her, and Spike propped himself up on his elbows, scowling, "You mind?!"

"Get out!" The pimply faced boy ordered, and Buffy glanced down at Spike, giggling.

"I think they're afraid we're going to defile their ball pit."

Spike sighed as Buffy climbed off of him and he followed her out, offering the employee a glare, "Thanks a lot," He said sarcastically as he and Buffy pulled on their shoes, and the employee only pointed towards the exit.

Buffy picked up Spike's m-m dispenser, then took his hand, laughing as they ran out to his parked DeSoto. A wide grin was on Spike's face as she yanked him in, kissing him again. Demon girl is getting a fruit basket for this...

Joyce smiled as Giles guided her up the walk, their hands entwined, "Tonight was fun...and dinner was great..."

"Especially since I didn't pass out in the bread basket?" Giles joked, and Joyce laughed.

"Oh, yes...that was definitatly a plus!" Joyce said, smiling shyly, "We have to do this again..."

"Oh, most assuredly," Giles replied happily, kissing her cheek demurely before pratically sprinting towards his car.

Joyce watched him go, still smiling as she touched her cheek. I have to thank that girl...

Anya smiled widely as she cuddled with Xander on the couch, the music of the Bronze surrounding them, "I did good, right?" She asked brightly, and Xander smiled as he kissed the top of her head, the couple watching as Spike and Buffy danced together to a slow song, his head resting on top of her head, wearing blissful smiles that told Anya she wasn't the only one having lots of orgasms.

Giles and Joyce were chatting together at a table, obviously engrossed in whatever discussion they were having, the Watcher's hands resting on hers.

"Yeah, Ayn..." Xander replied, "You did good."

The End

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